I wanted to respond to Shirley who asked,
"What do you suggest for a couple when they can not seem to get a break
from their children and it seems that when they finally get the children under
control they are too exhausted to even talk?" My suggestion to you is
don't talk. Too often in relationships
(and I don’t know how yours works in this area) there ends up being so much talking
of the day itself that the possibility of even more exhaustion and frustration.
In looking for outside sources to help diffuse this problem, I came across a great article on the Oprah website that talked about non verbal communication. The author of the article, Barbara Graham, suggests that "Everyone—men, women, myself included—needs to learn that before we can communicate with words, we need to connect non verbally. We can do that in simple ways..The deepest moments of intimacy occur when you're not talking (2007)." I love that she said we need to learn the importance of connecting. That tells us that with practice, we can communicate in better and even different ways.
In looking for outside sources to help diffuse this problem, I came across a great article on the Oprah website that talked about non verbal communication. The author of the article, Barbara Graham, suggests that "Everyone—men, women, myself included—needs to learn that before we can communicate with words, we need to connect non verbally. We can do that in simple ways..The deepest moments of intimacy occur when you're not talking (2007)." I love that she said we need to learn the importance of connecting. That tells us that with practice, we can communicate in better and even different ways.
The author of the article mentioned above also
shares the idea that communicating without words does not mean that you are
ignoring each other and your feelings, but conveys to the other person that
they matter "more than whatever they're resentful or anxious about." Connecting
this way, gives each person in the relationship the opportunity to feel the message being conveyed and
allows for a verbal or non verbal response; even while feeling tired or upset.
There is a girl in the article that shares a story about the time that she decided to talk to her husband first, listing off the fears she had while awaiting results from a test she had at the doctor. The husband listened patiently and just held her close, and then neither of them said anything. "We don't need to" she says.
This story sounds ideal and possibly unrealistic to many, but it's definitely worth trying. Make your own list of things that will help you and your husband connect after feeling exhausted from tending to the kids. Talk first then be close, spend time together then talk, or don't talk at all. Two things you may consider doing are sitting close while watching a show, or doing something like the dishes together. Just enjoy each others company :)
There is a girl in the article that shares a story about the time that she decided to talk to her husband first, listing off the fears she had while awaiting results from a test she had at the doctor. The husband listened patiently and just held her close, and then neither of them said anything. "We don't need to" she says.
This story sounds ideal and possibly unrealistic to many, but it's definitely worth trying. Make your own list of things that will help you and your husband connect after feeling exhausted from tending to the kids. Talk first then be close, spend time together then talk, or don't talk at all. Two things you may consider doing are sitting close while watching a show, or doing something like the dishes together. Just enjoy each others company :)
Graham, Barbara. 2007. How to improve your
marriage
without
talking about it. How to find (and keep)
the love of your life. February 2007 issue of O, the Oprah Magazine. Retrieved
from http://www.oprah.com/relationships/How-to-Improve-Your-Marriage-Without-Talking-About-It/3
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Tara- The main thing that came to mind as I read your post was "what you do speaks louder than words". I think you're really onto something with how relationships work, and you really did well.
I love this post because I feel like every couple needs to be reminded about non-verbal communication. It can be extremely helpful and strengthening to relationships. Great post!
Mackenzie Parkin