There
are many phrases used to describe our spouses. In Argentina, where my wife is
from and where we were married many people are always waiting for their "media
naranja" or orange half. In the
U.S. we often refer to our spouse as our 'other half' or 'better half'. By
referring to our significant other as our other half we make the statement that
because they are our companion we are whole, we belong together, we were meant
to be. At least that is what I feel about marriage... that it is meant to be.
Marriage is not a new invention, it has existed from the beginning of
time. It doesn't exist in the United States
but all around the world. It is
universal and even against all odds and criticism it is still around. I wish to share with you some insights on the
need for marriage, but not just any marriage but healthy and strong marriage.
Marriage
is the beginning of society and the union of a couple is the basic unit of
society. We could talk all day about the
politics of marriage and the breakdown in society caused by the breakdown of the
family. Research shows that healthy marriages are good for societies. We can look at many aspects of society and
can see how marriage and divorce influences the way we all live. It makes
sense; if we are not able to function as a couple and learn to get along and
share and grow together and be productive, how can we expect to do the same as
a community or a nation. I do not want to go into the statistics but if you are
interested in learning more about some of the benefits of marriage please check
out a list of 162 reasons for marriage put together by Marri Research (2012)162-reasons-to-marry.
The fact of the matter is that marriage is important. It is important to the community,
to the government, to children, and most importantly to you and me. You can see research on the effects of marriage on health, men, women, children, and society at
I
can only assume that if you are on this blog that your marriage is important to
you. It is important enough that you are
searching the web to find ways to help your marriage survive after you brought
kids into the world. My marriage is the most important thing to me, even more
important than my kids, my career, or friends. It is what makes me whole. I
love the phrase that my wife is my other half and the belief that together we are
so much more than 2 individuals, we make each other better. It is not easy but
any bad day with my wife by my side is better than any great day without her.
Sometimes we do not always feel that we are that compatible and that maybe we
are apples and oranges that don't quite fit but the great thing about marriage
is that involves choice.
Every
day we have the amazing opportunity to make decisions. Some decisions are more important than
others. Whom I marry is much more important than the flavor cake we decide to
have at our reception. Always remember that you chose to make that commitment.
You chose to be with someone and to love them. Love is as much as a choice as a
feeling. We choose to love, we choose to
be together, and we choose what is important to us. I hope that it is your
choice to make your marriage the best it can be. In order to do that we have to work at it.
The only way a muscle gets stronger is by working it. It works the same for
marriage; if we are not working at making it stronger it is just getting
weaker.
So
how can we make marriage a priority when we have so many 'other important
things' going on? We have to prioritize, and learn how a strong marriage will
help us do all the other important things. Let's take a few minutes to make a
list of our priorities.
Take
a piece of paper or open a new document on your computer and list your 5 top
priorities in life. Make sure to write your name at the top of your paper since
you are your top priority. All of your
other priorities exist to fulfill your personal goals. What number did you give
to your spouse, to your kids, work, friends, business, etc? Be honest about it,
ideally your spouse would be number 1 and then hopefully your kids but maybe
you put your career or studies. This is just to give you an idea of where you
stand right now with things.
- Write down 5 benefits that you receive by being married. It can be anything, as long as it is sincere.
- Write another 5 ways that your spouse makes you happy. I would hope that happiness in life is one of your goals.
- Now write down 5 things that you bring to the marriage.
- Take a few minutes to remember why your marriage is important to you.
Here are a few things you can do to help strengthen
your marriage:
- Seek out others who have a great marriage and learn from them. Avoid friendships and people who speak negatively about their spouse.
- Find out what makes your spouse feel loved and do them.
- Go on dates! Do the activities you did that made you fall in love in the first place.
- Read a book, see a counselor, or attend a seminar designed to improve your marriage.
- Make your spouse your first priority over your parents, boss and even your kids. (Barry, 2008)
Fragan, P., Dougherty, A., & McElvain, M.
(2012, February 08). 162 Reasons to Marry. Retrieved
from http://www.frc.org/marriwebsite/162-reasons-to-marry
Barry, J. D. (2008). A wife’s guide to (difficult) in-laws. Retrieved from
http://wifeguide.org
(n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.camarriage.com
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Great advice! Very important to avoid engaging in conversations with people who speak negatively about their spouse!!!
~Korin
My spouse is also Argentine and I love the media naranja. I think this would be a great activity to do with my spouse to see where we both stand.
What a coincidence. My wife is from Mendoza but I served my mission in Rosario. Where is your spouse from?
Great advice, I think the 5 suggestions at the bottom are the best ideas for having a healthly marriage. Great job!