I heard someone once say during a volleyball game "Communicate (referring to who was going to hit the ball)...it saves marriages." Although a volleyball game may have seemed like a silly place to make a comment like that, I thought it was neat that he was sharing something he felt was important to practice not only in a chaotic volleyball game, but in a marriage.
Many couples that have young children find themselves in a game of their own with the new pressures of an emerging family: uncontrollable kids, time running away on its own, and to-do items (and dishes) stacking up daily. Because both spouses may see each of these responsibilities and even their children differently, negative feelings and lack of positive communication can decrease marital satisfaction. On the flip side, the ball of comments tossed back and forth from one spouse to the other have the capacity to be communicated in positive ways, strengthening a marriage.
An article published in the web magazine Communication Currents called "10 Communication Strategies to Keep Marriages Strong," offers some great strategies that can help spouses communicate positively. Researchers in the article state that "Through the utilization of verbal and nonverbal communication strategies, couples in committed marriages develop a sense of we-ness that sustains them through difficulties and over time (http://www.natcom.org/CommCurrentsArticle.aspx?id=923)." In two decades of research, the researchers found that couples who showed commitment and we-ness in their relationship utilized ten strategies that are described in the article. I felt that the strategies were unique and included things that went beyond and goes before what couples say in their time-outs taken for talking.
The first strategy couples can use during times of discussion is to make an effort to communicate. Research shows that not only is it the big interactions that sustain relationships, but the small, day-to-day interactions (http://www.natcom.org/CommCurrentsArticle.aspx?id=923). The second strategy is that of expressing commitment verbally. Expressing commitment to a marriage helps reinforce the confidence the spouse has in the relationships. The third strategy suggests having integrity, which means communicating openly and honestly, keeping promises, and remaining loyal. The rest of the strategies are equally as important and are discussed in the website cited at the bottom.
While having children, and adjusting to marriage all together can add stress to a marriage and cause distance and insecurities, discussing about them does not need to add to those feelings. I feel that, as my volleyball friend said, good communication can save a marriage from the lack of positive communication that has the ability to break down a once “two-man team.” The stresses of life will most likely never disappear completely, but with positive communication between spouses, they and their children will feel a part of a winning team, not a team struggling to make it through over-time.
“10 Communication Strategies to Keep Marriages Strong”. Communication Currents. Volume 4, Issue 3. June 2009. Retrieved from http://www.natcom.org/CommCurrentsArticle.aspx?id=923.
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It is soooo true, kids add a whole new dimension to the marriage!
~Korin
So far I'm really enjoying this blog. Everyone has such interesting topics and you all write with such passion. It's clear that you really care about the material you're writing about!
As for this post individually, it's interesting to compare communication with your spouse to communication on a team, but it makes sense; you and your spouse *are* a team!
Terrific job, excellent post!
This is so great! My parents have been struggling in their marriage and one of the big areas that I can see is in the way they communicate--which isn't openly and honestly. This definitely helps me to process more and I hope to send this to my parents and for them to learn more about their marriage.
Thanks so much!
~Rebecca