Posted on
Saturday, February 23, 2013
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I had the recent opportunity to look over the blog “Autism Matters” “Parenting Children with Exceptionalities". Visit the blog.
This blog displays different areas that meet the needs of those interested in learning more about autism and its effects. I like that there are definitions of autism from cited sources, book reviews, and sections that display who is contributing to blog and what goals they have in sharing it. I think it’s good they are beginning their blog with definitions of autism and different types of it, but in the review that recommended a book for people with autism and their families, not a lot was mentioned of the actual parenting of a child with autism. Because I like where they are going with the goals of the blog, I’m confident they will expound more on the experience of parenting autistic children.
This blog is well equipped with citations after specific information and facts are mentioned. References are nicely put at the bottom of the posts that contain those in-text citations. I think it is great all together, that they post comments and reviews that are backed by research. It makes it so the blog has more credible and interesting variety of information.
I feel this blog has good quality of application to autism. There is a nice balance of personal goals, thoughts, and research. When I click on the icons provided on the blog, I am shown information relating to autism that is easy to follow. I love that the different links are lined up already, and one doesn’t have to click on each link to see the different areas offered.
And finally, I enjoyed the writing style and the likability of the writers of this blog. You can tell that they want to contribute to their blog in order to make a difference to those who read it.
Posted on
The whole
purpose of this blog is to help out married couples with kids to connect at
some level and change the statistic that most couple report the least amount of
marital satisfaction during the child rearing years. If you are reading this it is probably
because you feel worn out, stressed, and disconnected with your spouse. I hope that this information is of benefit to
you and your significant other. I know
that it has helped me tremendously in my life.
Let's talk a little about the love hormone Oxytocin.
Now men and
women are different, you probably already knew that. Women have several ways to get oxytocin and
they are used to it. It is one of the
reasons that women are social and so focused on relationships. It is probably why they go to the bathroom
together and why they like to talk about their problems. Men on the other hand don't nurse or have
babies and definitely don't go to the bathroom in droves. They get their biggest surge of oxytocin, similar
to women when they orgasm. The great
news is that sex is fun and that as men receive more oxytocin they feel closer
to their spouse which in turn makes their spouse feel closer to them and all of
a sudden they have bonded and are one again, their stress is less and they are
so much better at tackling life as a team.
References:
Dvorsky, G. (12, July 2012). 10 reasons why oxytocin is the most amazing molecule in the world. Retrieved from http://io9.com/5925206/10-reasons-why-oxytocin-is-the-most-amazing-molecule-in-the-world
Oaklander, M. (September, 2012). How to be a better lover. Retrieved from http://www.prevention.com/health/sex-relationships/easy-ways-increase-oxytocin-levels
Townsend, M. (2013, February 2013). Interview by J. Bailey [Personal Interview]. Ignite the spark - date night.
The whole
purpose of this blog is to help out married couples with kids to connect at
some level and change the statistic that most couple report the least amount of
marital satisfaction during the child rearing years. If you are reading this it is probably
because you feel worn out, stressed, and disconnected with your spouse. I hope that this information is of benefit to
you and your significant other. I know
that it has helped me tremendously in my life.
Let's talk a little about the love hormone Oxytocin.
Our body
produces a hormone that has been labeled as the bonding molecule for our
purposes; the love hormone. It is an
amazing chemical that is released when are in contact with others and it makes
us feel wanted and accepted and makes us feel close to the other person.
Studies have shown that Oxytocin can help to relieve pain from headaches
to body aches. It also serves as an
antidepressant and because
of its ability to alleviate social anxiety and produce feelings of trust,
oxytocin helps to reduce stress, and reinforces feelings of closeness. Oxytocin
has been observed to reduce cortisol in the body and lower blood pressure. It
has even been known to improve digestion. Research
has also connected oxytocin to feelings of empathy and generosity. (Dvorsky, 12)
The amazing
news is that we don't need a prescription written to enjoy the benefits of
oxytocin, we just need to invest a little time and be social. Now don't panic that I mentioned the word
'time', I know you are stressed and have a million things going on but hear me
out. If you were to invest a little time everyday to feel good about yourself
and your spouse, your time will be well spent.
I think at some point in our lives and our marriage we feel a little out
of control and overwhelmed with everything we have to do, especially when kids have
entered the picture. I once heard a
relationships therapy say "Kids are sent from heaven... to suck the life
out of their parents" (Townsend, 2013).
It sounds funny but I am sure we have all felt that way at one point or
another.
One of the
amazing things about the love hormone, Oxytocin, is that it reduces stress and
makes you feel good. Is it not worth a
few minutes of our day to feel good? Is
it not worth a few minutes every day to feel good about our significant
other? I hope I have made my case. You are going to enjoy this.
We know that
this good feeling hormone is released by certain behaviors. We already talked about child birth, nursing, and orgasm but there are many other
ways to get small doses of the love drug throughout our day. Physical contact with your significant other
causes the brain to release oxytocin weather it be a hug, kiss, caress, cuddle,
fondle, or handshake (leave the handshakes for relationships outside of
marriage though) (Oaklander 2012). How long does it take to hug someone?, not
long at all.
There are
even ways to bond with your partner when they are not with you and still get a
love drug rush. Take a 30 second break from your thoughts, tasks and pinterest
and think about your spouse. Do it right
now, I won't be offended that you stopped reading for a minute. Think of your first kiss or the part of their
body that most attracts you. Think of an
inside joke you share or go and smell their clothes to get a whiff of their
perfume. Every time you do these things
the love hormone helps to strengthen your bond.
Do you feel a little more relaxed?
When you reunite
today and see each other for the 1st moment, stop what you are doing and
embrace. It is okay if the kids are
hanging off of you and if you are late to something or even if the food is
burning. Your relationship is more
important than any of those other things, even your kids. You will feel less stressed and feel closer
to them.
Now men and
women are different, you probably already knew that. Women have several ways to get oxytocin and
they are used to it. It is one of the
reasons that women are social and so focused on relationships. It is probably why they go to the bathroom
together and why they like to talk about their problems. Men on the other hand don't nurse or have
babies and definitely don't go to the bathroom in droves. They get their biggest surge of oxytocin, similar
to women when they orgasm. The great
news is that sex is fun and that as men receive more oxytocin they feel closer
to their spouse which in turn makes their spouse feel closer to them and all of
a sudden they have bonded and are one again, their stress is less and they are
so much better at tackling life as a team.
These things take time and we have to make time to work on our
relationships. Like all important things
we need to schedule time. You wouldn't miss
work, a job interview or any other exciting event just because you have so much
to do so make sure you set apart some time every day to the one who will be by
your side through thick and thin. Make
it good time: touch, hug, plan intimate time, and for those moments don't
complain or talk about problems, there is plenty of time for problems later.
Now it is up
to you to do this, you read this article and thus you get to put it into
practice. You could share this on your
spouse's facebook page but I would suggest just putting these things into
practice. An interesting thing about
Oxytocin is that if you provoke something that will cause its release both
people get a bit of it and as they feel closer to you they will want to return
the favor.
Dvorsky, G. (12, July 2012). 10 reasons why oxytocin is the most amazing molecule in the world. Retrieved from http://io9.com/5925206/10-reasons-why-oxytocin-is-the-most-amazing-molecule-in-the-world
Oaklander, M. (September, 2012). How to be a better lover. Retrieved from http://www.prevention.com/health/sex-relationships/easy-ways-increase-oxytocin-levels
Townsend, M. (2013, February 2013). Interview by J. Bailey [Personal Interview]. Ignite the spark - date night.
Posted on
Saturday, February 16, 2013
The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman
“Whatever the quality of your marriage now, it can always be better.”(23)
Have you ever wondered how people can “fall out of love” with someone they passionately loved just years before? It happens all the time. What once was a giddy, romantic, can’t-eat-or-sleep-because-I’m-so-excited-about-you love, becomes an ordinary, boring, can’t-you-think-of-somewhere-you-need-to-be kind of love.
In Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages, he addresses this all too common phenomenon. When people first fall in love, the euphoria is overwhelming. Couples can’t stand to be apart. Their honey-bun is constantly on their mind. Touching is like a sweet electric shock. Then a couple of years pass. Reality sets in. The couples find that life is different than they had hoped. They decide they are no longer in love, and may either move on or grudgingly accept a miserable life. Chapman calls the feelings and actions in the euphoric stage instinctual. So, you can’t really take credit for flowers you bought for your sweetie during the euphoric stage of your relationship--it was driven purely by instinct! After euphoria comes real love. Real love is what marriage is all about, and guess what? It’s a choice. Chapman says creating real love with your spouse involves personal will and discipline. “It is intentional.” (33)
Chapman says:
If love is a choice, then [married couples] have the capacity to love after the “in love” obsession has died and they have returned to the real world. That kind of love begins with an attitude--a way of thinking. Love is the attitude that says, “I am married to you and I choose to look out for your interests.” Then the one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision. (33-34)
Chapman’s book takes the research on the basic psychological need to be loved, the research on euphoria and “real love”, and builds on it. He says not only do we, as humans, need love, but we each have a specific way we prefer to be loved. His long career as a Marriage Counselor enabled Chapman to identify 5 basic love languages. He asserts that out of those 5 languages, each of us has 1 or 2 primary love languages. Our love language is the way we feel most comfortable expressing our love, and the way we best feel loved by others. Problems in relationships come up when one spouse expresses love in a way the other spouse doesn’t recognize as meaningful. Perhaps a husband loves his wife so much, he constantly holds her hand, puts his arm around her, and seeks to make passionate love with her. But she questions whether or not he loves her, because he never tells her how beautiful she is or expresses gratitude for all the things she does for him. Uh-oh. They are speaking different love languages.
Chapman’s book seeks to answer the question: “How do we meet each other’s deep, emotional need to feel loved?”(34) Since knowledge is power, Chapman stresses the importance for couples to find out one another’s love language and LEARN HOW TO SPEAK IT! The five love languages he lists are:
1: Words of Affirmation: Compliments, Words of Gratitude, Encouraging Words, Kind Words, Humble Words.
2: Quality Time: Undivided, Focused Attention, Quality Conversation, Quality Activities.
3: Receiving Gifts: Meaningful Gifts Given out of Love.
4: Acts of Service: One Spouse Doing Thoughtful Things for the Other.
5: Physical Touch: Holding Hands, Kissing, Hugging, Sexual Intimacy.
The 5 Love Languages is a book that promises results to couples who read it and apply its principles. It is engaging with many stories of real couples’ struggles and successes. It may be a little on the cheesy side, but it’s a self-help love book--we can’t feel too bad about a little cheesiness! The book has individualized quizzes in the back for husbands and wives to identify their love languages. With all the examples throughout the book, it’s almost impossible to miss the concepts. Couples are encouraged to gain understanding, ask questions, identify their love language, then improve their relationships by loving one another in meaningful ways. Of course, application is up to the readers, but Chapman gives them all the tools they need to strengthen their marriage.
Chapman, Gary. (2010). The 5 Love Languages. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.
Read More
“Whatever the quality of your marriage now, it can always be better.”(23)
Have you ever wondered how people can “fall out of love” with someone they passionately loved just years before? It happens all the time. What once was a giddy, romantic, can’t-eat-or-sleep-because-I’m-so-excited-about-you love, becomes an ordinary, boring, can’t-you-think-of-somewhere-you-need-to-be kind of love.
In Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages, he addresses this all too common phenomenon. When people first fall in love, the euphoria is overwhelming. Couples can’t stand to be apart. Their honey-bun is constantly on their mind. Touching is like a sweet electric shock. Then a couple of years pass. Reality sets in. The couples find that life is different than they had hoped. They decide they are no longer in love, and may either move on or grudgingly accept a miserable life. Chapman calls the feelings and actions in the euphoric stage instinctual. So, you can’t really take credit for flowers you bought for your sweetie during the euphoric stage of your relationship--it was driven purely by instinct! After euphoria comes real love. Real love is what marriage is all about, and guess what? It’s a choice. Chapman says creating real love with your spouse involves personal will and discipline. “It is intentional.” (33)
Chapman says:
If love is a choice, then [married couples] have the capacity to love after the “in love” obsession has died and they have returned to the real world. That kind of love begins with an attitude--a way of thinking. Love is the attitude that says, “I am married to you and I choose to look out for your interests.” Then the one who chooses to love will find appropriate ways to express that decision. (33-34)
Chapman’s book takes the research on the basic psychological need to be loved, the research on euphoria and “real love”, and builds on it. He says not only do we, as humans, need love, but we each have a specific way we prefer to be loved. His long career as a Marriage Counselor enabled Chapman to identify 5 basic love languages. He asserts that out of those 5 languages, each of us has 1 or 2 primary love languages. Our love language is the way we feel most comfortable expressing our love, and the way we best feel loved by others. Problems in relationships come up when one spouse expresses love in a way the other spouse doesn’t recognize as meaningful. Perhaps a husband loves his wife so much, he constantly holds her hand, puts his arm around her, and seeks to make passionate love with her. But she questions whether or not he loves her, because he never tells her how beautiful she is or expresses gratitude for all the things she does for him. Uh-oh. They are speaking different love languages.
Chapman’s book seeks to answer the question: “How do we meet each other’s deep, emotional need to feel loved?”(34) Since knowledge is power, Chapman stresses the importance for couples to find out one another’s love language and LEARN HOW TO SPEAK IT! The five love languages he lists are:
1: Words of Affirmation: Compliments, Words of Gratitude, Encouraging Words, Kind Words, Humble Words.
2: Quality Time: Undivided, Focused Attention, Quality Conversation, Quality Activities.
3: Receiving Gifts: Meaningful Gifts Given out of Love.
4: Acts of Service: One Spouse Doing Thoughtful Things for the Other.
5: Physical Touch: Holding Hands, Kissing, Hugging, Sexual Intimacy.
The 5 Love Languages is a book that promises results to couples who read it and apply its principles. It is engaging with many stories of real couples’ struggles and successes. It may be a little on the cheesy side, but it’s a self-help love book--we can’t feel too bad about a little cheesiness! The book has individualized quizzes in the back for husbands and wives to identify their love languages. With all the examples throughout the book, it’s almost impossible to miss the concepts. Couples are encouraged to gain understanding, ask questions, identify their love language, then improve their relationships by loving one another in meaningful ways. Of course, application is up to the readers, but Chapman gives them all the tools they need to strengthen their marriage.
Chapman, Gary. (2010). The 5 Love Languages. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.
