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Tuesday, April 9, 2013
“If you’re not going to say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” How many times did we hear that as a kid? In looking back at this too oftenly used phrase, I see that it was a temporary fix that caused one child to feel they had better not talk for fear they would get in trouble. Even if they felt upset or concerned about something, they were told to just stop themselves or not say anything at all. I see now that the other child must have unknowingly been left in the dark with why the other one was upset. Both children could really have benefited from productive positive communication.
Just as it is important for children to communicate to get their point across, married couples need to also grasp the importance of it. Because of marital problems that arise in a marriage, such as finances, differences in raising children, and meeting/or not meeting each other’s needs, it’s no wonder that frustrating, negative feelings pose a threat to decrease marital satisfaction. With effective communication, couples learn to express their needs and show love and concern towards one another.
Luckily, there are ways for children and spouses alike to use effective communication. One way to communicate something in a marriage is to show affection towards your spouse. Doing something nice like doing the dishes, making a nice note, and using positive tones and facial expressions when discussing important matters, shows your spouse that you love and care for them; and that they are more important than the problems discussed in a marriage. Another way to effectively communicate, is to express what your needs are. How is your spouse supposed to know what you need if you don’t tell him? Listen patiently as he tells you his needs, and share yours with him. This way, your spouse feels like his needs are validated, and the chances of them being met are increased. And yet, another important tool in expressing good communication is collaborating. This is a very important aspect of communication. It means that compromise and just talking are not good enough. With collaboration, spouses set time aside to sit and discuss what is bothering them, what needs to be done, or even what makes them happy. This setting alleviates the potential of having a frustrating tug-of-war, so to speak. There are many other ways to communicate more positively with your spouse, many of which can find there place while communicating.
By understanding and utilizing these tools, and others, using verbal and non verbal communication, a married couple can create an environment where, even if there is something concerning, negative, or missing in their marriage, they don’t just have to not say anything at all; they can talk about or show it.
By understanding and utilizing these tools, and others, using verbal and non verbal communication, a married couple can create an environment where, even if there is something concerning, negative, or missing in their marriage, they don’t just have to not say anything at all; they can talk about or show it.
Posted on
Saturday, April 6, 2013
I have been looking forward to this video post about Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love. It is so important that we are aware of all the different aspects of our relationships. Just remember to schedule time with your spouse to keep the spark alive.
References:
Sternberg, Robert J. (1988). The Triangle of Love: Intimacy, Passion, Commitment. New York: Basic Books. ISBN 0-465-08746-9
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References:
Sternberg, Robert J. (1988). The Triangle of Love: Intimacy, Passion, Commitment. New York: Basic Books. ISBN 0-465-08746-9
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There are many blogs online that can be found on
marriage, but very few besides our blog, caught my eye as much as a blog called
Engaged Marriage. Don’t stay married,
stay engaged, was the main theme of this blog.
What a wonderful reminder it was that post marriage life
can be just as exciting and meaningful as it was before you got married. I was impressed to see that the blog was
written and maintained by a young married couple, Dustin, and his wife bethany. It was clear to tell that they were making their own efforts to strengthen their own marriage, and thoroughly enjoyed sharing what they have learned. I feel that knowing they have a real desire to help others strengthen their marriages really encourages
me to apply what they shares in order to enrich and apply my own learning
experience.
The format of the blog filled most of the screen,
allowing for a more of an open feeling while reading; and readers’ comments
were readily exposed below the posts. A
few of the main subjects of this blog, were: money, communication, and even
natural family planning (which I thought was interesting). Some of the popular posts included articles,
such as: “Romance for Insanely Busy
Couples,” “How to Get Your Spouse to Talk to You: 7 Tips for Engagement”, and
“Family Time: Be an All-Star Parent”.
The content I read in many of these posts was visually engaging. Many places to click on
similar topics were readily available if I wanted to expound my learning after
reading a particular post.
In continuing to navigate this blog, I saw that they directed their comments, stories, and lessons to those who want to learn about, improve,
and sustain a good marriage. Many
articles were also geared toward life after children. Married couples of any age and particular
stage of their marriage will find many ways to strengthen their marriage. There was even a section on preparing for
marriage, which was very beneficial for me to look in to!
To add on what was mentioned above, the posts contained
helpful and well-written advice that came from books, researchers, and personal
experience. Following some of the posts including research, stories,
book references, etc. They stated the author, their background, and where the information was retrieved. I love the fact that along
with many of the references, They encouraged you to “check out” more information
and material from the author whose information he shared. Funny thing was, a lot of their stories and
messages ‘just made sense’ to me. Even
without a whole lot of emphasis on research, I felt I was reading valuable
information that I could take with me in preparing and experiencing a happy
healthy marriage.
I enjoyed this blog, I hope you take the chance to check it out!
I enjoyed this blog, I hope you take the chance to check it out!
Dustin and bethany.
Engaged Marriage. Retrieved from http://www.engagedmarriage.com/
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It's a little cheesy (blame the amateur acting skills of yours truly and my husband, Swen!), but you get the general idea. Research shows having fun together increases satisfaction in the marriage. Couples get so busy and tired, they often forget to make time for each other. When couples make opportunities for leisure time together, though, they report more love and less conflict in their marriage. It's worth it! Schedule some time together today! (or forget a schedule and be spontaneous! ;) )
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It's a little cheesy (blame the amateur acting skills of yours truly and my husband, Swen!), but you get the general idea. Research shows having fun together increases satisfaction in the marriage. Couples get so busy and tired, they often forget to make time for each other. When couples make opportunities for leisure time together, though, they report more love and less conflict in their marriage. It's worth it! Schedule some time together today! (or forget a schedule and be spontaneous! ;) )
Reference:
Claxton, Amy & Perry-Jenkins, Maureen. (2008). No Fun Anymore: Leisure and Marital Quality Across the Transition to Parenthood. Journal of Marriage and Family,
February 2008, Vol. 70 Issue 1, p28-43, 16p.
